So this was the start of my downfall...A weekend full of insane choices in food.
A friend came over tonight and we had many intense with a few entertaining conversations. Through the course of the night we decided to take a walk and buy some ice cream for the kids. After the hassle of settling my children down plus my friend's little one, we sat in a booth. Sitting there while my oldest son climbs the wall, I saw the reflection of my profile in the window. Understand with the lack of full mirrors in my house do I rarely see the complete picture of my entire body. Without my wonderful friend seeing me gaze, I was horrified at the finished product of the over-satisfying food and baring children has waged war on my body. Like a train wreak, I couldn't look away even though disaster was before me. Grabbing several more glances in the cruel window, we parted the food establishment. Who is that girl in the reflection? She looks huge, unkempt, and just all around a hot mess. The image had been burned in my memory, replaying itself every chance it gets. I am having trouble excepting that the reflection in the window is a true reflection of myself.
How did I let this happen? I didn't one day roll out of bed 4 sizes bigger.
My guess is I will find more answers is my questions through the experience of shedding piles of blubber.
On a brighter note I think I am learning about myself. So here is what I am finding about me so far on this journey:
1. I give up without a true fight. When it comes to my family, I will fight the good fight whatever the cause may be, but not when it comes to me.
2. I am tired. I am tired of clothes and dishes making mountains in my house. I am tired of toys that I pick up 20 times a day but they still find a way under my feet. I am needed by everyone in my house. I need a drink-please get me a snack-can I go potty-where is my plane that is blue and white-please get me my show-can you find my gray muscle shirt. By end of the day, I just want to plant my face in a cake and put a do-not-disturb sign on the bathroom door.
3. I am a nosey neighbor. Trying not to think of food, I have taken up a fantastic hobby of people watching. I think I'm pretty good at it. It is most entertaining. Can't even explain.
4. Super guilty pleasure...reality TV. Can't get enough.... Its very rare that I am able to watch much if any TV durning the daylight hours, but when I do, its on! Here I come Real Housewives, HGTV, and yes, you too, Real World. I haven't admitted this to many people and seeing I only have one follower (shout out to Ang) its still a secret guilty pleasure.
5. No make-up. My J.O.B. lets out in the summer months, so often I spend my days at home with my children. I think I can count on one hand how many times I have applied the face cover. Just real glad my children and "beloved" can still recongize me without the daily application and still hang around.
6. New ambition. There is a burning desire to create and do. Spend some energy making the world or at least my world better.
7. My children are cute. My womb has done well. I bake prized bake goods. I have made mini clones of myself and my "beefy sugar" and they look good. My boys are so happy..not sure where they get it, but they are. They spend there days smiling, laughing, discovering, and enjoying. My boys LOVE each other.
8. I love my beef (a.k.a the father of my children). We have been through a lot. We may not be different then most couples, but we have been through some "fires" and still are here together. I enjoy our talks and his support and his love. Who would have thought all I had to do was walk into a gas station and my world as I knew it changed.
Almost another week is behind me and I didn't do so hot. Part of the journey. I didn't think it would be easy, just didn't think it would be this hard.
Tomorrow is a new day.....
